The Future of Marriage
It’s not just tech that’s changing the future. See how society is changing, too
Ric Edelman: It's Monday, March 13th. This podcast, as you know, is devoted to telling you about the future. And normally that means I'm talking about technological innovation, exponential technology in particular. You know that I talk a lot about AI, robotics, 3D printing, nanotech, biotech, bioinformatics, neuroscience, machine learning, Fintech, EdTech, AgTech, AgeTech, blockchain, digital assets, all this tech stuff. And yeah, these technological innovations are going to change pretty much every aspect of life on the planet. And there are profound implications of all of this for everything from college to career, homeownership, longevity, retirement security, leisure and recreation.
But these aren't the only reasons that our future is changing. It's not just because of technological innovation. Society itself is changing as well. And yeah, we can probably attribute some of social changes to tech. I mean, the advent of social media, for example, has changed how we interact with each other. And we've seen changes in politics - mostly, sadly, the polarization of politics. We've seen gaps in race, gender and wealth. All of this is evolving and some of it pretty rapidly, exponentially. There's another aspect of society that's changing as well. That's what I want to talk with you about all this week. In fact, I'm going to focus on the future of family. And we're going to start today with marriage.
Marriage has evolved over the eons for sure. It all begins with our need for procreation. I mean, let's, you know, get right down to the basics, right? We've got to perpetuate the species. And as our society is formed, the notion of mating became a lot more formal, a lot more ritualistic. In a lot of cultures, your mate was selected for you by your parents. Marriages were often business or financial transactions. This is still the case not just in entire countries, but in specific social groups within countries. All marriages, though, have traditionally had one element in common. They've been between a man and a woman.
In recent decades, though, this has evolved. Many marriages now consist of same-sex couples. The evolution of our marriage institution is not yet done evolving. Now we have a new element to consider, and this is going to be increasingly part of our future. The monogamous marriage is broadening literally into something that's called a polyamorous relationship. Polyamory is consensual non-monogamy. CNM for short. I'll say that again, consensual non-monogamy, CNM, is the agreement between a couple that they're going to have additional sexual or romantic partners. This includes swinging and open relationships.
Now, before you turn this off, but don't turn off this podcast yet - here's one quick statistic for you: 20% of US adults have engaged in CNM at some point. And about 5 % right now are in long-term CNM relationships, non-monogamy. That's according to research published by Chapman University. So I'm sorry if this conversation is shocking you. I hope you're not angry with me that I'm even talking about such a thing on a public podcast.
But there's something going on with one out of five adults happening and we need to talk about this. We weren't willing to talk about homosexuality in the 60s. Remember when single men were confirmed bachelors? Remember when everyone was shocked when Rock Hudson, one of Hollywood's biggest heartthrobs, announced he had AIDS and disclosed he was gay?
Well, that was then. Now you're going to start hearing about polygamous relationships. The fact that you're hearing about it on this podcast is an indication of what's coming in the future. Now, if you find this idea offensive and hey, I'm not taking a stand on this issue right here, I'm just telling you of its existence and its rising frequency in public dialog - then you're with polyamory, where we were with gays 60 years ago. Back then, legally, marriage was permitted only between one man and one woman. In fact, in a lot of states, that man and that woman had to be the same color. Forget about being gay and wanting to marry, you couldn't even be of different races.
Now, gay marriage and interracial marriages rarely raise eyebrows. Society has changed and Congress has changed the law to keep up. So legally, same-sex couples are now allowed to marry. Biracial couples are allowed to marry, too, but that's it. It's still illegal for triads and quads to marry. Gays and biracial couples who couldn't marry lost out on tax benefits and healthcare benefits and immigration benefits and triads and quads are losing out today. So you can expect these folks and their advocates to become increasingly vocal, demanding equal rights just like gays and biracial couples demanded and ultimately won. Who are you? Who am I to deny them these rights merely because you or I don't like their lifestyle?
All this is already happening. A New York court has already ruled that the third partner of a deceased man should inherit their apartment. And a dozen states now allow triple parent custody of children. And in Massachusetts, several towns permit multi-person domestic partnerships. Yeah, you might be cringing at this entire conversation. People cringed at biracial and gay marriages - too often violently. And so, yeah, when you talk to polyamorous people, they'll tell you about the discrimination that they experienced by employers and landlords and how they often lose custody disputes in court. No doubt about it, being polyamorous today has all the stigma of being gay or in a biracial relationship in the past.
You're going to see this stigma evaporate in the future. Already, in a recent poll by Gallup, 20% say they're okay with polygamy. That's a fourfold increase in just 15 years. It's no surprise that younger adults are more okay with this than older adults. 40% of millennials say they're okay with people being in non-monogamous relationships. The older you get, the more that society becomes dominated by newer, younger generations, the more the polyamorous partnerships will be normalized in society.
So if you hate this idea, the way that some people hated the idea of biracial or gay marriages, you can hold on to your beliefs and increasingly become in the minority, or you can reevaluate your views. Either way, this new social trend is going to grow. You're going to be hearing a lot more about it and engaging in it in your community, whether you like it or not. It's all going to be happening more and more. That's the truth about your future.